Un-dating the ME
by aikakone
Summary: All Lucas wants to do is go to the club and get his freak on. Instead, he's locked in the morgue with Henry. What's a man to do? Have an impromptu date with the ME, of course!


Henry held the scalpel up like it was a master artist's brush, only he was an artist of death. He was pausing as he thought of something. Then Lucas grabbed his attention. His assistant had his backpack full and appeared to be on his way out of the morgue.

"Did you do everything you were supposed to do? All the closing procedures?" Henry asked.

"Yes, and I checked it all twice. You said I could leave a few minutes early. I've got to get to the club," he said impatiently.

Henry put down his tool with the rest of the surgical implements. "Dare I ask what you've got in your pack?"

"Supplies. A change of clothes, energy bars, graphic novels. Anything an urban ranger needs for survival," he said proudly. "Why do you care?"

Henry tried to shrug off with an air of indifference. "It looks heavier than normal."

"That's because it is," Lucas said before he walked toward the exit.

He was almost out of the building when a building-wide alarm for lockdown sounded. The doors automatically locked, and they were given instructions to shelter in place. Lucas slammed at the door in frustration. If he had been just a few seconds faster, if Henry hadn't questioned him, he would be home free. Instead, he was stuck with New York's most eccentric and on occasion grumpiest medical examiner.

His shoulders slumped with dejection, he faced Henry and asked, "What do you think it's about this time?"

"Probably a bomb threat. Let the crews work through the floors until they find what they need. We've got all we want in here," Henry said.

Dr. Morgan kept a radio, some favorite books and a bottle of fine scotch in his office. He knew from past experience that if he was going to be confined to a lockdown, he would try to enjoy it as well as immortally possible.

Lucas shook his head at his supervisor. "I know we work with death every day, but you act like you're not afraid of dying."

"I'm not," Henry replied guilelessly as if the thought hadn't occurred to him.

"Okay. Fine. But I want to _live_ life. Not get stuck in here," he complained. "You only get one life, so you might as well do it right."

Henry did the indecisive head bob that usually signified "maybe." Then he thought of an idea.

"We are both technically off duty while we wait. I think we shall share a drink. It's not your club, but I'm sure I have better quality spirits," he said.

"You mean that not so secret bottle you've been hiding in your desk?" Lucas asked. He strode toward Henry's inner office where he plopped down his backpack.

"It was getting heavy," he explained.

Henry asked as he brought over two clean beakers, "How did you know about my bottle?"

"You're not as stealthy as you think. I bet I know more about you than you know about me," Lucas said.

"I don't think that's possible," Henry said with all sincerity. "I have had a lot of secrets."

"But you're so proud of them, you want to tell people. You haven't asked me for any of my secrets," Lucas said as he sat down in Henry's chair and indolently put his feet on the man's desk.

"That's because I can read you like an open book," Henry said while shoving Lucas's feet off the desk and then handing him a beaker full of scotch.

Lucas held the beaker aloft and made a very bad Sean Connery impression before taking a drink of the beverage. He let out a hiss as it burned. Henry smiled from behind the glass as he took more care with his drink.

"Hey, Doc," Lucas asked in a dreamy tone. "You ever, you know… done anything with another guy?"

"I'm afraid you have to be more specific, Lucas," he said, though he had a guess where his thoughts were wandering.

"I've been in the club, right? Letting my freak flag fly," he said with a small humorless smile, "and this one gay guy keeps hitting on me."

Henry sat down on his haunches in front of him. "Is that a problem for you?"

"I'm totally complimented! Don't get me wrong. I just don't like him that much. He's good-looking for a guy, but he's kind of dumb. I can't hang with stupid. At least not for long," Lucas said.

"So are you looking for a polite way to turn him down that will help you both save face?" Henry asked astutely as he stood back up.

"Yes!" Lucas said, punctuating the air with his beaker. "I don't want to crush him. I know how that feels, and it's not pretty."

"Surely not you, Lucas," Henry said, smiling again with mischief.

He sucked in a deep breath. "It's happened. Some people can't handle a man with as much self-confidence as I've got."

Henry lifted his eyebrow. "Is that what you think it is?"

"Of course! When I date someone, I go all out. I am an amazing boyfriend. You'd be lucky to have me! Well, not _you_ personally. Unless…" Lucas took another drink of the scotch to stop himself from talking.

Henry chuckled at the other man and took another drink. Then he placed his beaker down on the desk. "So entertain me. We might be in lockdown for a while. Show me what you'd do on a date with someone you'd actually like."

"No!" Lucas protested. "Not with you."

Henry put on one of his most winning smiles. "I _know_ I'm smart enough. I'm smarter than anyone else I know."

"Yes, you are," Lucas said while stroking his lips thoughtfully. "You're not very humble, but you are smart. Good looking for a man with the hair and the face. That accent when you talk."

Henry Morgan preened at the listing of his qualities, and Lucas wanted to laugh at him. Lucas took another sip of the scotch just to taste if it might be more potent than he originally thought. Then he decided to go for it.

"Just remember that you asked me. I don't want to hear any complaints when we're done," he warned.

"I've been bored in lockdown before. It can't be worse than that," Henry complained.

Lucas crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Henry. "You're already a bad date with that attitude. Sit down."

Lucas vacated the desk chair and went to his backpack for his energy bars. "On a real date, I would probably take you out somewhere. It could be anything from a street vendor to fancy. Depends on the attitude of the date. But right now, this is all you get."

He opened the wrappers and took out a tool to cut them into cute triangle shapes. Then he placed the pieces on a clean napkin that he had in his backpack. He always had a pack of napkins in his backpack as well as a small bottle of hand sanitizer.

Lucas put the napkin with arranged pieces on top of a clipboard that was on Henry's desk. The food safely arranged, he brought it over to Henry and lifted his eyebrows in invitation.

The medical examiner looked at it dubiously, but he picked up one of the pieces and put it into his mouth. He chewed slowly at the small bit. Then Lucas gently nudged forward his beaker of scotch.

"You seem more like a waiter than a boyfriend," Henry said.

Lucas pulled the clipboard of treats away from Henry's reach. "I'm not done yet. If you'd like another, be nice."

"Do you talk to all your dates so sweetly?" Henry teased.

"Just my pain in the ass boss," Lucas countered before he realized he maybe shouldn't have shared that. He covered his gaffe with a huge smile, and Henry waved off the artifice as he selected a new piece of energy bar.

"After a fine meal with conversation, we'd probably do an activity. Lately it's been dancing—

"Lucas, I know how to dance."

He gave Henry a not very impressed look. "Not club dancing. Ballroom or something fancy. Least sexy dancing I've ever seen."

Henry had been licking his lips after his energy bar treat took that as an affront. He stood up to defend his right to dance.

"If you don't think ballroom dancing is sexy, you have never done it with the right person," Henry stated and continued ranting under his breath.

Henry put his hands on Lucas first to show him where to put his hands on him. Then he took the lead in guiding his assistant around his office. That included turns, an unfurling move outward, spins into his body, and general close proximity with a dip afterward. All that he did while humming the right tune for the dance.

When it was over, Henry released Lucas and went in search of his beaker of scotch. Lucas looked flushed with pleasure.

"That was cool," he said.

"Told you," Henry replied haughtily.

"Well, I know something fun you can do here in the morgue," Lucas said.

Henry stopped still and stared suspiciously at Lucas. "What?"

"If there's any mess, I promise I'll clean it up later," he promised. That only made Henry more suspicious.

"You're not going to slide in and out of the body drawers, are you? That wasn't ever funny," Henry said as he put down his scotch.

Lucas glanced at him conspiratorially. "You have to admit it was a little funny."

When Henry's lip twitched, Lucas knew he had him. "I knew it! But no, we are not playing in the drawers. I cleaned those, and I don't want to do it again. Grab a chair with wheels on the bottom. Just do it."

Henry had started to ask why, but Lucas shut him down before the words could really get out. So instead, he took one of the rolling desk chairs from out in the other morgue workspaces while Lucas took another.

"Where are we going?" Henry asked as they went to one of the long hallways at the back of the floor. "We are on lockdown."

"Right here," Lucas said, while drumming his fingers on the back of the chair. "It's the slickest floor in the entire building. I know because I've bit it here a few times."

"What are we going to do?" Henry asked in confusion.

"Have you ever gone bowling? This is bowling with people," he said. "Pretty much. Get as much speed as you can on your chair and jump on. Crash into the wall."

"That sounds stupid," Henry chastised.

"Don't knock it 'til you try it," Lucas said as he pushed Henry down to sit.

Then he grabbed the arms of Henry's chair and ran a few paces. He jumped into the doctor's lap as the chair with both men sped across the slick hallway to crash against the doors at the farthest end. They both tumbled out of the chair with Lucas landing while Henry fell on top of him. It was the single most idiotic thing Henry had done in a long time, and he wanted to do it again.

For several more minutes Henry and Lucas played crashing chairs up and down the slick hallway. Sometimes it was bumper chairs. Other times it was a repeat of the run, jump and crash that Lucas made them do the first time.

When they were finally exhausted from that, Henry asked from his supine position on the floor beside Lucas, "What next?"

"Let's go back to your office. I'll read you a graphic novel," he said.

"You are determined to get me to read those," Henry groused as he stood up.

"It's part of the date package," Lucas said innocently. "Not that I do it with all my dates, but I make an exception for you."

Henry tried to glare at him, but he just walked the rolling chair back to where he had found it. Lucas followed him to deposit his chair. Then they went back to Henry's office where Lucas's backpack with graphic novels was. Henry grabbed the scotch, beakers and food and put it on the floor beside him.

"Picnic," he said as he waited for Lucas to get whichever graphic novel it would be this time.

Lucas picked one of the stories that needed the least explanation. He showed Henry the artwork and read it out loud. Because he wanted to see the pictures better, Henry snuggled up closer to Lucas so that their shoulders were practically on top of each other. It was nothing for Lucas to smell the faint note of the other man's cologne and the stronger scent of the scotch.

As the story continued, Henry nodded off and put his head on Lucas's shoulder. Lucas raised an eyebrow and nudged him. "Was the chair racing too much for you?"

"Nope," Henry said, not moving his head.

"Yeah, me, neither," Lucas said as he leaned his head back to the wall and quickly found himself dozing.

* * *

Some hours later, Lucas awoke to the frowning face of Mike Hanson looking down at him and Henry sitting beside each other on the floor.

"What happened here?" Hanson asked.

"Would you believe it was a date?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah, sure. If you say so. The lockdown is clear. You can go home if you want to," he said, looking at both of them. Then he left to spread the word to the rest of the people in the building.

Henry stretched while seated while Lucas stood and moved his whole body to release the kinks.

"I'm going home. Forget the club," he said.

"Me, too. It was an interesting date, Lucas. I could see you making someone a fun boyfriend," Henry said as he stood and gathered his things to leave.

"That's right," he said smugly.

"One last thing, though," Henry said while he adjusted his scarf. "A date's not a date until you've finished it with a kiss."

Henry leaned forward and dropped a quick peck on his lips. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was enough for Lucas to appear dumbfounded. Henry let out a hearty laugh at the other man's reaction and walked to the exit, telling Lucas to lock up when he was done.


End file.
